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Kevin Battle's Tips For Fighting The Next Pandemic

Kevin Battle
May 15, 2020 - 4:52 pm

Now that we are ‘yellow’ and on our way, Lord willing, to a responsible, methodical reopening please allow me to offer ideas for the ‘next’ pandemic.  

One hundred years from now - or when politicians need to rally hysterics - maybe someone will read & consider these ideas.  The following list could save the universal economy while sparing a lot of angst, bitterness, and arguing.  

These ideas are those that I have spouted both on-air at KDKA Radio and to friends & family during conversations over the last few months.  Yes.  Months.  

I will not play ‘Monday Morning Quarterback’ or blame this official or that one.  

Besides, as I have said at various points:  I have either understood, tolerated, accepted, condoned, or agreed with (even if only temporarily) much of the logistical work of the Trump and Wolf administrations during ‘this unprecedented time.’  Let me also point out that there was a time when I did not believe that we would actually shut down the entire world due to this either.  

I have followed the progression of ‘Covid-19’ from its early days.  The first report I filed about the then-unnamed issue was in December while working at Fox News.  It was in regards to ‘a mysterious, highly contagious, flu-like illness that caused pneumonia.’  Seven people in Wuhan, China had it.  The budding pandemic ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ been easily contained.  It was not.  

Lack of containment and transparency will lead to many theories and fights, dear global citizens of 2120.

I hope you folks of the future take notice during the early days of your version of ‘Covid-19,’ ‘The Spanish Flu’ or ‘Black Death.’  And, if 2120 is reading this…SPOILER ALERT:  The plague will likely emanate from a lab in China that was funded by US taxpayers following some breech of protocol by a sloppy researcher and/or the unethical selling of tested animals loaded with virus & chemicals to butchers that were then pawned off on hungry wet market patrons.  Note that anyone who suggests this will be publicly shamed and/or removed from social media. 

OK.  Let’s get on with it. 

  1. Urge your citizenry to stockpile a 1-month supply of food and 3-month’s worth of salary.  We once referred to this as a ‘rainy day fund.’
  2. You may be able to avoid the rest of this list by following the claims of ‘experts.’  Some scientists suggest that you actually teach your kids to wash their hands, gargle with mouthwash, and utilize zinc-based nasal spray to possibly diminish the chances of contracting your new plague.
  3. Do not argue over testing capabilities.  It is pointless because science does not even know what they are dealing with yet.
  4. Expect little real transparency about plans from government officials who, after shutting parts of the economy,  do not really have a plan to get out of the mess.  Do not blame them or the yum-yums they’ve surrounded themselves with - even if those folks were shooting off warning flares early on.  China did not provide many details.  Besides, the poor bastards also believed the notes that the World Health Organization provided.
  5. Watch for professionals who say that wearing a mask is not necessary one day and then demand you have one the next.  They may actually be the ones who started this whole mess. 
  6. Do not say that your plan is based on ‘science’ or ’flattening the curve’ in case you decide to move the goal post and later base it on ’securing a vaccine’ or attempting to fund unrelated pet projects via insane stimulus plans.  
  7. If 2120 is a political election year, make sure that you actually have a viable candidate/contender in place BEFORE the shutdown.  Perceived attempts to delay the process are not appreciated even if only 55% of your electorate actually turn out.  
  8. Once the crisis is deemed inevitable, Seal and secure all borders, crossings, ports of entry.  All of them - not just flights from a region in China. Oh, and don’t call your president racist for doing so. 
  9. No repatriation during that time either.  Sorry. 
  10. Immediately isolate and quarantine anyone who has symptoms. Urge their contacts to do the same. 
  11. Next step - say March 1st - immediately lock in the most susceptible and their caretakers. No visitors for any reason. 
  12. Do NOT admit or readmit any new or current patients to nursing homes or care facilities that are suffering from or recovering from the pandemic no matter how dumb the idea sounds at the time.
  13. Next:  Each community must have a designated list of area contractors, plumbers, roofers, etc that can be called ONLY in event of serious emergency (example: storm damage.) 
  14. Shut down everything everywhere for 3 weeks.  Every thing.  E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.  Everything.  In all states.  At the same time.  Nothing open.  No one on the streets.  (Except police, fire, hospitals, farmers - remember: everyone has stockpiles.)
  15. Your 2120 shutdown should come with clear plans as to how bills, rents, payoffs, stimulus, etc would be handled.  Every payment and contract should be frozen similar to how the lockdown froze daily life. 
  16. Pretend like the 3-weeks of lockdown were never on the calendar.  It never happened (except for births & deaths.) 
  17. Slowly emerge from hiding, rejoin society, reopen business, mourn those lost.  Remember, losses should be minimal if the plan is followed. 

Strictly adhere to this advice or your general population will get understandably antsy around the 9-week mark. 

Good luck! 

Kevin Battle co-hosts the KDKA Radio Morning Show with Larry Richert.

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